There is an old joke about how there is no bad sex and technically that’s true but we all know there have been times when it could have been better. It’s a big let-down when you meet an incredibly hot woman, sit and have incredibly witty, sexually charged conversation all night and then take her home to find a limp fish. It’s even worse to be in a relationship with a woman and love everything about her but have a lukewarm sex life. Expert research has shown us that sex plays a big part in a relationship and both partners being happy with the sexual aspect is imperative to success. Men must be with a woman who is enjoying herself and happy to be with him before he can reach orgasm. If your girl is terrible in bed, the key is to decide if you care enough about her to fix the problem.
Let her know you enjoy being with her and admire her shape, size and figure. Tell her she is beautiful. Expound on her lovely lips and luscious hips. Relate those dirty day dreams you have about her and don’t be afraid to tell her how proud you are to have out in public. Don’t leave out her personality perks, either. If you love how smart she is or she has a great sense of humor make sure to tell her. Anything and everything about her you find endearing should cross your lips to her ears at least once. This part is not easy. It takes time for people to truly understand when they are being loved unconditionally. When she sees how much you appreciate her, she will begin to appreciate herself. Once she feels comfortable in her own skin and realizes how attracted you are to her, she will at ease in bed and actually want to get more involved and try new things.
The first step is to begin to gently prod her in bed. Lightly move her toward things she may feel uncomfortable or inadequate doing. You must start out slow here. Even if you have been with this woman for a considerable amount of time, this is an area you must travel with caution. Moving too fast will derail your whole operation but moving to slow will stall out the passion and momentum. Begin with simple things like kissing a bit deeper or in a different manner or place. Touch her in a different tempo and manner than you usually do. Encourage her to do the same. It will be uncomfortable at first and you may have to physically guide her hands but enjoy the newness and excitement of shaking things up. It helps to use verbal cues to let her know how much you like what she’s doing and encourage her to continue. Eventually you will be able to get her to do more daring things and even share with you some of her needs.
Another tactic is to watch dirty movies and porn together. If she seems interested let her know you’re up for anything and would love to try it out with her. Along this same vein, you can discuss sexually explicit literature, current events and news items to open the dialogue between you two. Purchase an adult magazine together and peruse the pages. Talk about what you see and read and pay off what you learn. Inspire her to be fun and frisky. Interact playfully with an open heart. You can also visit adult toy shops and venture into the world of erotic massage. These exercises not only bring you closer sexually but romantically as well. It puts you in tune with each other like nothing else can.
As a very last resort you can just spill the beans and tell her she is bad in bed and you’d like to work on it. If all else fails and nothing you try works, there may be other issues at play. Telling her may be the only option you have. If so, tread carefully. Do not tell her during a fight, and never under any circumstances tell anyone else. Find a nice, upbeat day and break the news to her in a way that she can understand that doesn’t sound like she is failing. Explain that you need more creativity or would like to try something new and think she would be particularly hot at it. This is a difficult task to undertake but it can be done.
People come together in all types of sexual relationships ranging from the uber-romantic to strictly platonic. Sex has been highly regarded through the ages as an important factor in solving many relationship problems. Each type of sexual relationship has its own goals and benefits. The advantages are used to meet the needs of the people who enter the relationships, regardless of the level of romance. While most people think of sex in terms of long term relationships, the appeal of casual sex dating has been gaining momentum year after year. The benefits of casual sex are controversial but no without merit. Keeping a casual sex relationship hot, sexy and beneficial takes just as much work as a romantic relationship. They key is to recognize the potential problems and deal with them head on.
Sexual Frequency
One of the most common problems with any sexual relationship, even casual sex, is frequency. One or both of the partners can be dissatisfied with the frequency of the sexual encounters between them. One may think that casual sex partners would not be concerned with frequency because of the simple and casual core of the relationship. However, it is even more important here. Casual sex partners get together for the ease and convenience of the relationship. There are no strings, which means, no family dinners, no anniversaries or birthdays to remember and above all, no worries. The one thing that is important is sex. Entering into a casual sex relationship means entering in a contract of sorts. This is a problem that could potentially destroy a perfectly good sex buddy relationship. It is imperative to be on the same page in sexual frequency.
Communication
In a sex buddy relationship, communication often falls by the wayside. This does both parties a huge disservice. Every human relationship can benefit from open communication and sex buddies are no different. In fact, such a relationship may even benefit more so than others. A sex buddy relationship is dependent upon making time for each other. It’s hard to have sex if you’re not finding a significant amount of time somewhere. Commutation is key to finding the right time and place to be together to pursue this sexual relationship further. This is especially true if the relationship is a secret. Communication is also essential to keeping you both on the same page as far as what is and isn’t acceptable behavior in the relationship. Casual sex can mean vastly different things to different people.
Emotion
The one worst possible problem that can occur between sex buddies is the dreaded “L- word”. Falling in love with your sex buddy takes the relationship another level. It changes the whole dynamic between the two participants. This is either really good or really bad. Both partners falling in love is far more desirable than only one partner falling in love. If only one person is feeling this way, the relationship is over. It may go on for a while longer, but essentially, it is over. Loving and staying in a relationship with someone who doesn’t return your feelings is always detrimental.
Lack of emotion
While it may sound contradictory, sex buddies cannot be totally devoid of emotion for each other. They must care about each other and have respect for one another. Two people simply using each other is an ugly thing that usually brings one or both of them unhappiness. Being in a mutually respectful relationship, no matter how casual reaps its participants many unexpected rewards. A lack of emotion also leads to a quickly feigning attention and a short lived experience that amounts to nothing more than a glorified one night stand.
There was once a time when casual sex was a big no-no. The age of the roaring twenties brought with it, women who were curious about life and what they could accomplish. They wanted to vote and drive and run businesses and they wanted to be acknowledged for their own accomplishments. Women all over the world began to make strides in the women’s movement and engage in behavior previously unheard of by their gender. The way women looked at sex began to change as well and the casual sex relationship began its journey to mainstream consciousness. Throughout the years, most notably the 60’s and 70’s, casual sex began to become more noticeable and frequent in all walks of life. The hippies of the sixties preached and practiced free love among everyone. Suburban moms and dads had key parties in the seventies where they invited the neighborhood parents over for too many cocktails after which they threw their car keys in a big fishbowl. Each guest then blindly drew a set of keys out of the bowl. Whoever they belonged to would be their sex partner for the night. Things are different today and knowledge is power.
When you are hung over there is nothing that you want to do but sit in bed all day and nurse it, (hangover remedies) well that is, besides have sex. It isn’t just your imagination. No matter how awful you feel the day after you indulge, sex is on your mind. You can’t even look at food, but will go to great lengths to find sex. It isn’t all in your mind, there are physiological changes that take place in your body, specifically to your hormones, that make sexual desire at its highest. Instead of worrying about what to take to get your headache under control, try a little sexual activity to make that hangover a thing of the past.
Alcohol produces a great many changes to your body. It not only changes your thought processes, it changes your body chemistry for days afterward. Even when you don’t feel drunk anymore, there are still changes taking place in your body that produce different emotions and hormonal responses. That may sound like a terrible thing, but it is anything but terrible for your libido. A hangover can make your libido work overtime, but what is the reason?
There are many reasons that scientists think that you feel horny when you are hungover. Below are just some of the hypotheses:
Alcohol may lessen your ability to control your erections
If you find that you wake up aroused and can’t seem to control it, alcohol may be to blame. Just like it lessens your ability to make good rational decisions, it may make it impossible for your brain to control bodily functions. Just like you aren’t good at following directions when you are intoxicated, your penis isn’t so good at following what your brain is telling it to do. If there is still alcohol left in your system it may be wreaking havoc with your penis arousal mechanism.
Alcohol makes you focus on feeling good at any cost
Just like you will do stupid things when you are drunk because you are fixated on doing them, if sex is on your brain and it feels good, you may not have the ability to control the urge. The phenomenon called “alcohol myopia” may be to blame. It is when you are intoxicated and you can only focus on doing one thing no matter what the cost is. If there is still alcohol in your system, alcohol myopia may be to blame for your one track mind.
You have a false assumption that alcohol will get you laid
Often times people make the wrong assumption that alcohol is going to get them laid. Because it lessens inhibitions that people may have, it leads to men sometimes becoming over confident about their ability to get sex. This “Alcohol expectancy theory” basically says that no matter what the reality of a situation is, if you have an expectancy that drinking alcohol is going to get you laid, then you are more likely to be aroused looking for it.
Looking for relief
The body may be looking for a way to relieve its misery. When you wake up feeling awful and hungover, your body knows that an orgasm would feel really good. In an attempt to feel better, your body may be driving your arousal knowing that an orgasmic release would cure your bad feelings if only for a little while. The good news is that it may make you feel better for a little while, but it won’t do much, if anything, to cure your hangover.
It is unclear why you wake up horny when you have a hangover, but the reality is that most men do. Whether it is an over stimuli hormonal reaction, a malfunction of brain control, or just over confidence, lying in bed all day involves more than just watching a poor B-movie. If you want to make yourself feel better, sex can bring you the relief you are looking for if only for a short while, at least it is something. It may also help by getting the blood pumping to your brain to regrow all of those brain cells that you killed the night before!
I was out to dinner with some friends the other night and we were discussing blow jobs. You would think that everyone knows how to give one. It should be a skill that you are born with, but apparently you aren’t. When the conversation came around to one of the girls she was completely clueless. She asked questions like “do you just lick it?”. At the time all I could do was feel sorry for the guys she’s been with. Then I got to thinking, how do girls actually know what feels good? It isn’t like they have their own penis to practice on. If you want a girl to go to town, downtown, there are some things you can do to show her the way.
Make subtle suggestions
There is a way to suggest head that is fun and entertaining, and a way to suggest it that is just downright creepy. Pulling your pants down and pointing is not the answer. Nor is putting your penis in a box with a ribbon. Bringing it up subtly is the best way to get your point across without sounding pushy or persuasive. Talking about putting your lips on something warm and hard, as an innuendo, is okay. Saying I want you to suck my dick, is not. If your girl is open to wrapping her mouth around your junk, you will know right away by her response. If it is out of the question, she will let you know by telling you that you aren’t very charming.
Turn the channel to something hot and sexy “by mistake”
If you are sitting around watching television, there is no better advertising than a good movie. In this age of cable there is bound to be something that you can turn on. If you know she is coming over to sit around, order up a porno and mistakenly hit the channel for it. There is almost assuredly going to be someone giving head, there always is. If you really want to get tricky, you can pause it beforehand, just waiting for the time to turn it on. Once she sees it, it will give you the perfect opportunity to suggest that it is something you enjoy yourself.
The Win-win approach
The next time you are out with friends have your friend suggest that blow jobs are like giving a guy flowers. Many girls don’t understand how enjoyable they are. The last thing girls consider when they are thinking about sex, is a blow job. Often times they are thinking about the best position for your pleasure, or the right place. Blow jobs seem to be something that they left behind in middle school. If your friend suggests it, not only will it remind his girlfriend, but it will get your girl thinking about what he said. Sometimes it isn’t that she isn’t on board. Sometimes it is just that she doesn’t get it. The beauty is that you get to look like an innocent bystander.
Give a little, get a little
If you think oral sex is just something that you enjoy, think again. Women love oral sex, they are just not into asking for it. If you want her to put your parts in her mouth, reciprocate. When you head south on her, your junk will be in the perfect position to find her mouth. Nothing is more mutually satisfying than 69. You both get to get your rocks off without the eerie silence of only one of you enjoying it.
Clean it up
If you want her to go down on you, make it look fun. She isn’t going to want to get a mouth of curly hair in her mouth any more than you do. By doing a little manscaping you will make it look more enticing for her to want to partake in. Tell her that you were thinking about her, and wanted to make it all clean and fresh. You may not even have to suggest it. When you show it to her, she will be more likely to want to rub something all over it, and enjoy it. Don’t forget the whipped cream, it will be like dessert for two.
It is something that is very touchy to ask about. No one likes to discuss their sexual encounters with their significant other, especially at the beginning of a relationship. If they admit that they have been with too many, they sound like a slut. If they admit to too few, they sound inexperienced. There seems to never be the “perfect” amount to satisfy anyone. The good news is that if you are wondering how many men the girl you are with has been with, there are other ways to find out than to ask. Save yourself, and her, the embarrassment of having to discuss it and just accept the best estimate according to the following rules of thumb.
How do you know who she’s been with?
If the girl you are dating seems to be very knowledgeable about the inner workings and pleasure of a man, she probably has a lot of experience. As a rule of thumb, girls don’t have a penis. That means that for them to know what feels just right, they had to have some help. If she knows exactly where you want to be touched either that means that she has had a long term relationship, or a sex buddy. Girls with a lot of knowledge have been around the block several times. If you like what she does, then who cares how many men she’s been with, right? The expertise has to come at a price.
Is she quick on the draw?
If a girl isn’t into foreplay chances are good that she has been with a lot of men. Men don’t really enjoy foreplay. They will do it once they are in a relationship where they care about their partner. If your sexual partner seems to want to get right down to it, that indicates that this is all she knows. Girls, who are quick are the draw, are more likely to have more sexual partners. If she likes to enjoy the moment and bask in the glory of the “o”, she probably has been with one partner for a significant amount of time. By the law of averages, that means that she most likely has had her time occupied by just one man, not several.
Is protection her number one goal?
Not that it isn’t the smartest and safest thing on this earth, but girls who are prone to think about protection first thing are probably less advanced than those who are more likely to throw caution to the wind. Think about it this way, the more times you do it, the less you think about it. Girls who have been with several men are less likely to think that sex is a big deal, or that protection is the first thing to be considered. Again, just rule of thumb, experience breeds comfortability.
Does she bring along her own protection?
Again, it is smart to plan ahead, but if it is your first date and she brought her own protection, it may mean that she is more experienced than the rest. Most girls who aren’t used to giving it up on the first date don’t bring protection because that is not what they are anticipating. If a girl brings a condom that means that she was thinking that this was where the first date was heading. I don’t mean to sink your ship, but even if you are the hottest guy on earth, if she brings a condom it isn’t the first time. Be thankful that she did, but you need not wonder if she has been with many. You aren’t the first to be the first date shag.
Ready for the averages?
The average woman will have 10-15 sexual partners throughout her lifetime. If you really need to know how many she’s been with then you just have to ask her. The bad news is that she will most likely lie. Women don’t consider sleeping with guys “conquests” in the same way that men do. They aren’t proud of their many partners. If she wants you to respect her she will probably down play the number. Giving the sexual partner discount is not uncommon.
Many guys think that they know how to protect themselves when they are engaging in sexual activity, but the truth is that there are all sorts of levels that you need to protect yourself. We all know the main battles, pregnancy and STDs, but there are many other threats that you may not be thinking about. Safe sex is about protecting yourself entirely. Threats such as the clingy psycho, the father, or the ex-boyfriend can sometimes be much more scary than anything that you can pick up in person to person contact.
Of course, the number one thing to do when you engage in sexual activity is to protect yourself with a condom. Even if the girl tells you that she is on the birth control pill, first of all, you have no way to verify that. Second, that won’t protect you from anything she may be able to transmit to you. If you haven’t heard yet, any girl that you sleep with, you aren’t just sleeping with her, but you are sleeping with everyone she has ever slept with. What makes it even scarier! The number of people keeps expanding down the line. It is imperative to always wear a condom. There are some guys that think you can’t get STDs from anything besides sexual intercourse. News flash, any time you touch her goods you are opening yourself up to all sorts of viruses, or infections. Be sure to protect everything from package, to mouth, to lips. Transmission can occur anywhere.
Other Ways To Ensure Safe Sex
Now, on to the other things that you need to protect yourself from. If a girl is ready to hook up make sure that you know what it is that she wants, or more importantly, what she expects. She may say that all she wants is sex, but when you wake up next to her and she has taken over a drawer, you know you made a mistake. Sex with her is anything but safe. The telltale signs of the psycho clinger is hard to spot, but make sure to at a minimum talk with her for a while before you hop into bed. Ask about her hook ups in the past, about her current ones, and about what her expectations are. If they want your phone number before the action has even happened, it is best to take a pass.
Many girls may say that they are of age, but they aren’t. If they say that they are older than they look, they almost always are. This is very important. We all like the fresh and young, but we don’t like time in prison. Even if she is consenting verbally, legally she doesn’t have the right. We all saw poor Rob Lowe get destroyed for liking them young. Don’t take a chance that you will end your career, your life, or your freedom over some hot young thing. Trust, but always verify.
Its Not Only STDs That Can Get You
There is nothing that can get you laid quicker than the rebound or the revenge lay. Often times girls who have been cheated on, maltreated, or find themselves suddenly single, are looking for the guy to get them over the ex-quick. They want to get back at the guy who broke their heart, and it would be very selfish of you not to help out. The problem is that you have to make sure that the guy doesn’t know who you are. It is okay to be used as the rebound or revenge object, but make sure that it can’t get traced back to you. You don’t want some six foot guy to show up at your doorstep all pissed off that you banged his ex. One night of sex isn’t worth a broken nose or a broken anything else. Be discrete and to let her know that you are more than willing to oblige, but you will not get involved past your penis.
Sex is amazing and very enjoyable when you make sure that there aren’t any repercussions for it. There is nothing more exciting than throwing caution to the wind, but when it comes to having sex with a girl, you never want to leave yourself open to the consequences of those things which can come back to haunt, or hunt you, call you “Daddy”, or land you in prison. Safe sex is like a hot girl, you need to consider the entire package. Be safe out there, sex is fun, but it can be a very risky endeavor.
It’s generally accepted that porn is made for men and they’re the only ones that want to watch it and mostly use it to masturbate. That’s at least partially true, but it doesn’t have to be the whole truth about porn. It can be so much more than just a tool for male fantasy. Porn can be a way to improve your sex life. Most women have lots of preconceived notions about it though so it can be a challenge to get your wife/GF/casual hook up to warm to the idea of incorporating porn into sex.
Before you approach her about it you need to pick out a good movie. If you know of a particular fantasy of hers you can cater your pick to it. If not, you should probably go with something that features highly erotic action. You often hear that women need a storyline, but that can be misleading. What women most often enjoy in porn is a strong sense of desire. Watch most porn movies and it’s a purely physical thing with the guy finding new ways to thrust into his girl’s mouth, vagina, and anus. Guys are visual creatures and like that. Women tend to need something more, which is why you need a porn movie where the performers imbue the action with wild, passionate, sensual, erotic desire. These movies are harder to come by but there are a number of producers that specialize in them (particularly companies run by women) so do a little research.
Once you’ve found your movie you’re ready to spice up your sex life. Approach your girl in a way that communicates that it’s all about the two of you making things interesting. Insecurity is the a typical response. Am I not enough for you? Why do you need to watch another girl? is frequently heard. That’s expected. If she comes at you with that you need to assure her that you love your sex life but you also want to keep trying new things and that this is something you’re interested in. It’s about finding new ways to explore with her, not about looking at another girl while you have sex with her.
Throughout the experience you need to emphasize your girl. As you both watch you should make sure to touch her, although not in an overtly sexual way at first. Tell her how beautiful and sexy she is over and over. Soon enough she should be secure enough in your lust for her to really cut loose, which is when you’ll see the sexual improvements.
It’s in that cutting loose that you’ll find the biggest differences in your sex life. Once she’s in a mood to be naughty she’ll happily try a new position that she sees on screen. The moans coming from the guy and girl having sex will inspire the both of you to let the dirty talk flow, something that can improve sex immeasurably if you give it a chance.
If the first experience is a good one you can expand and try new movies, to help improve your sex life. That allows for the opportunity to role play. Perhaps if she sees something on screen she’ll be willing to do it in the bedroom (naughty teacher or secretary, etc) and spice things up. Every girl has an inner sexual tigress but most never let it out for a variety of fears and insecurities. The more comfortable you make her the more willing she’ll be to uncork that tigress and take you to sexual heights you’ve never been before. Just remember that it always has to be about her and about making the sex between the two of you better, not about you introducing your weird porn obsession to your relationship.
